You moved abroad for a fresh start. A new job, a relationship, an adventure. But lately, you feel more anxious than ever. The smallest things feel overwhelming. Choosing what to buy at the grocery store. Making a phone call. Meeting new people.
You thought you'd feel excited, but instead you feel... stuck. On edge. Sometimes panicky for no apparent reason.
If this sounds familiar, you're not imagining it. And you're definitely not alone.
Why Moving Abroad Triggers Anxiety
When we move to a new country, we lose almost everything that used to regulate our nervous system without us even noticing.
Think about your life before the move. You knew how things worked. You knew where to get your coffee, which routes to take, how to read social situations. You had friends you could call, family nearby, maybe a therapist or doctor who knew your history. You had a routine.
All of that is gone now. And your brain has noticed.
The Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory, a widely used measure in psychology research, ranks "change in residence" and "change in living conditions" among significant life stressors. When you move internationally, you're not experiencing one stressor but many simultaneously: new living situation, new social environment, potential job changes, and separation from family and friends.
The human nervous system is wired to feel safe in the familiar. When everything around you is new and unpredictable, your brain interprets this as potential danger. It doesn't matter that you're objectively safe. Your nervous system is working overtime, scanning for threats in an environment it doesn't understand yet.
Researchers call this "acculturative stress," the psychological strain that comes from adapting to a new culture. A meta-analysis published in the International Journal of Intercultural Relations found that acculturative stress is significantly associated with both anxiety and depression among migrants, with the effect being particularly strong in the first years after relocation.
This is why simple tasks feel exhausting. Every interaction requires more cognitive effort. Every decision is made without the shortcuts that familiarity provides. You're running on high alert, even when you're just trying to buy groceries.
The Hidden Losses
There's also a kind of grief that comes with moving abroad that rarely gets acknowledged.
You've lost your support network. The friends you could text at midnight. The family gatherings you used to complain about but secretly relied on. The colleague who understood your work stress without you having to explain.
You've lost your sense of competence. In your home country, you knew how to do things. Here, you feel like a child again, fumbling through basic interactions, not understanding the unwritten rules.
You've lost your identity anchors. The places that reminded you who you are. The language that felt like home. The version of yourself that felt confident and capable.
These losses are real, even if the move was your choice. Even if it was the right decision. Grief and gratitude can coexist.
What Actually Helps
First, stop judging yourself for struggling. This is hard. It's supposed to be hard. Your reaction is normal.
Second, focus on rebuilding regulation before productivity. Your nervous system needs safety signals. This might mean:
- Creating small routines that don't depend on other people (morning coffee ritual, evening walk, weekly call home)
- Finding one place that starts to feel familiar (a café, a park bench, a gym)
- Letting yourself speak your native language sometimes, even if you're "supposed to" be practicing Dutch
- Being honest with at least one person about how you're actually feeling
Third, lower your expectations for the first year. You're not behind. You're not failing. Building a life takes time. Building a life in a foreign country takes longer.
Finally, consider whether you need support. Moving abroad is a significant life transition, and there's no prize for getting through it alone. Therapy can provide a consistent space to process what you're experiencing, rebuild your sense of self, and develop strategies that actually work for your specific situation.
References
- Holmes, T. H., & Rahe, R. H. (1967). The Social Readjustment Rating Scale. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11(2), 213-218.
- Berry, J. W. (2005). Acculturation: Living successfully in two cultures. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 29(6), 697-712.
- Kunst, J. R., & Sam, D. L. (2013). Relationship between perceived acculturation expectations and Muslim minority youth's acculturation and adaptation. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 37(4), 477-490.